Labels

I’ve been thinking about labels recently. The label of GFE as an experience feels somehow wrong to me, it just isn’t sitting quite right. Bit of a hot take, I know, but I’ve come to mostly dislike it in pertaining to the relationships I have with clients. Now I need to preface this with the statement that this is MY opinion and only MY feeling on the topic. In no way am I saying this is some sort of empirical comment on the GFE label. Nor am I saying that anyone else who relates differently to the GFE label is wrong. In fact, I’d really love to hear your views if they differ! I use the term, and obviously we all do - it’s marketing and it is helpful for creating a clear distinction between other types of experiences that might be on offer. GFE denotes something more affectionate, something more social. And it does: For clients seeking to find someone who they can forge a deep and often ongoing connection with, and to exist with as they would a literal girlfriend, it’s a vital tool in that search. But as time has gone on, my personal relationship with the phrase has definitely changed.

I don’t switch GFE on when I meet you, I simply interact with you as me, as I would with anyone else I meet. To describe what is just regular, probably nervous but very excited Jessa, as creating the ‘girlfriend experience’ when we go to lunch together feels surreal. I’m of course not calling for the cancellation of the term, nor am I personally affronted by it in any way. It just simply, for me, doesn’t quite fit easily anymore. My baseline self is also the baseline I set for every date I go on. I arrive as myself - albeit my very best self. I do not come to a date thinking “hmmm… how would he want a girlfriend to act?” I arrive feeling nervous and excited, eager to find out more about my date. Eager for him to learn more about me.

Should we be intrigued at the idea of exploring our kinkier proclivities together, yes, that might be referred to as a kink date. This is where the GFE descriptor is often helpful, serving as a differentiator when considering BDSM. It’s important in approaching these experiences to have a good comprehension of the difference between ‘vanilla’ encounters and non-vanilla ones. For example, you certainly wouldn’t expect to also engage in randomised and extreme hardcore acts during a ‘GFE’ date. Even so, I see kink dates much less as completely separate experiences from GFE, but rather different paths we choose to take together. ‘GFE’ simply describes the jumping off point. If I was to use a kink date as an example, I would never flick the GFE switch to ‘off’. It’s always the baseline, the real me and the real you, spring boarding from one connection into a different realm of connection. Much the same, the concept of ‘GFE with a sprinkle of PSE’ is oxymoronic. If we want to go for dinner and then afterwards want to explore some more high octane activities, I’m still showing up as me - as Jessa. I don’t switch GFE to ‘off’ when we are in private, for I am a woman and not a sports car. Similarly, if we are to consider what GFE and PSE denote behind closed doors - there is no such thing as a combination of the two. Like I said: this is an oxymoron.

I considered changing GFE on my website to ‘Just Jessa’ and while I love alliteration I would probably die from the subsequent cringe. So for now, it’s just a date. And for the purposes of helping you find me in the labyrinth of SEO keywords, it’s GFE. But just know that I am a fully rounded human being. A woman who is complex and whole. I’m not GFE in the streets, PSE in the sheets. Any human sexual connection is so much more than that, and while the Google overlords can’t quite capture that nuance, hopefully I have done so here.